Today I wake up in some of the finest lingerie by Fleur du Mal, with a hand embellished sleeping mask full of Swarovski crystals and semi-precious stones… I get out of bed only to walk into a room where there are hundreds of balloons sweeping the floor and a two tiered cake from Toni Patisserie awaiting my delight. Happy 23rd birthday to meeeee!

         

Space provided by Bangtel, Cake by Toni Patisserie, Dresses + Jewelry by Azeeza, Lingerie by Fleur du Mal, Balloons from Paris 312, Alcohol provided by Minibar

Love. How can someone possibly love another human so much. When the other human does not love them back? Sure you care about them and wish them well and have a place for them in your heart. But what if you cannot mentally and emotionally love – and I mean love… them back? Or at least love them the same amount as they love you. And how is it possible that this human can be so convinced that you’re the one for him. Or maybe that’s what they want to believe. It is what you want yourself to believe as well. Because it’s everything one ideally wants in a partner. You know you could live a happy life with them… or maybe so you think. If you aren’t happy with them now what makes you think that will ever change. Or maybe it could change. Has your heart grown cold?  Could it be possible you refuse the love received because your own heart doesn’t have the capabilities to accept it, or does it accept it and just simply cannot return it. What changed? What has the heart undergone in the past 6 years that has changed. Is it possible to love someone the same amount they love me, even if its not towards that person in general but towards anyone. Am I capable of producing and giving such extravagant love? Or maybe it’s not in my nature… anymore. Could a heart turn so cold so young? Could a life changing event have done so and it’s not until years later you begin to realize the result of such trauma? Is this what I’ve done to myself? Is it possible one can completely shut off the concept of emotion, so much so that it is impossible for it to return? In the fear of experiencing one of the worst pains on earth? Death in any of it’s forms? Could one life changing event doom someone so much that they are unable to ever give one of life’s greatest gifts, to love? To set all emotion to the side, to shun it out of minds processing to ignore to neglect to completely forget about ever feeling anything? Is it possible? While all of this is going on are you the entire time too busy analyzing your life and the life of others to never really be living your own life? Is your life full of critique and analyzing that you never get to actually experience what the joys of life are. Or maybe this is what life is about, and you’re too consumed with the sugar coated movie version. Of course its tough and its not easy and its confusing and you get lost and only sometimes you’re found. Physically present but mentally absent. Physically present but emotionally mute. They’ve been muted before, countable times before but now are we unable to press the button to un-mute. That’s where I am right now, at least how I feel. Anything that triggers an expected emotion is everything I stray away from. Have I gotten lost? Isn’t life all about feeling – too much thinking, not enough feeling, too much feeling not enough thinking – they both mess you up. Neither of them could possibly hold the correct answer. So you must do both. But where is that fine line you cannot cross to stay sane in your head – are we meant to stay sane or meant to cross these borders and discover something else. Where on this spectrum does one find successful love and how long does it take? What if I can never love? Dramatic it may seem but potentially possible to lose such natural capabilities to feel and accept a deeper love. So much self hate so much critique so much worrying. When was the last time you really remember living in the moment and weren’t thinking about the work that needs to be done or thinking about how the situation could be different. Does that make me ungrateful? What is living in the moment in a world of technology and constant access to anything and everything except what’s around you already. I don’t remember really, I spend a good portion of my life overthinking, especially planning and analyzing. My life is going to flash before my eyes before I can even answer all of these questions, because to answer these questions one needs to put themselves in the world, not stand on the outside looking in. Less thinking more feeling. One needs to experience and to get out of their comfort zone and needs to take a step back and realize that life is happening now, and its going to keep on coming. Till the day it stops.

Here’s to my last post in 2016, and here’s to not making the same mistakes again in 2017.

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shot by Sally Daoud.

In the beginning of December, we said goodbye to a home that has been passed down throughout our family for over three decades. From my aunts and uncles to my sister and I, and the young cousins who grew up spending the holidays here…  at one point there were even six cars in the driveway and was home to eight aunts uncles all living there at once.

img_0024The moving experience was an interesting one to say the least. We watched everything change and everything shift as our family came one by one to say their goodbyes. Every single thing around me was empty, a room I spent 18 years of my life in was now vacant. All of the clothes, the trophies, the albums, the memories… all packed tightly into a million boxes. The last few days before we moved, memories naturally kept pouring in. Sometimes when you look back on your life you almost forget that it was all yours. It is a crazy thing to let go of when you think about ALL of the memories that happened within those walls.  For me I think the craziest part to wrap my head around was that my dad and his siblings grew up in that house too.

I don’t really believe in becoming attached to material things and was pleasantly surprised to see how well I was able to say goodbye. Life happens and it happens so fast that there was almost no time to mourn. I think I prepared myself the entire month of October once we found out it had a serious offer.  When I went to the closing and was face to face with the new owners, as I held back tears, I knew I was happy. I could tell that they were going to love the house as much as we did and that they were going to maintain it in all of its beauty. I have so much I could say about this house but am not really sure how to type it all out. Some things are just better left unsaid, allowing them to always live on in memory and in heart.

So here is to a beautiful home, that stood on its feet for 34 strong years in the Daoud family. A home that helped and watched generation after generation grow and flourish into who we are as a family today. The time inevitably came for me, my mom and my sister to flourish and move on to the next chapter of our lives, and we will forever hold on to the beautiful memories created in that home. Here’s to you. img_9931

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Hello lovelies! I first off have to apologize for my lack of content on here lately. Life has been crazy busy ; I moved into a new apartment this month with my best friend and a month later we are still decorating and contemplating the layout – I guess that’s what you get when you have two creatives living together! Work has also just been crazy, especially with New York Fashion Week quickly approaching. And if you’ve been following along with me on Instagram, you know that I took a week long vacation in the desert heat of Phoenix which was a great and much needed getaway. I do however have a lot, and I mean a lot of awesome new content coming in these next couple of weeks so I hope you are as excited as I am!

With everything going on, I knew I needed to get back into the swing of things and decided to do something a little different for this photoshoot and release an alter ego. There is something a little magical about the simple act of throwing a wig on. It unleashes a new persona in you and reveals different expressions and emotions that instantly get captured with the flash of a camera. After a month of being so caught up in business outside of Simply Jules, I knew I had to do something a little different than my ordinary editorials to mentally bring me back. It is so important to never limit yourself or allow yourself to get comfortable, whether it is in your work or in life in general. Always push past the limits, and you will find yourself discovering whole new realms of creations.

Photography: Sally Daoud

 Styling/Makeup/Editing: Yours truly 

"Inside of your spell, locked in your eyes"
“Inside of your spell, locked in your eyes”

 

"Drowning in you"
“Drowning in you”

 

"Capsize"
“Capsize”

 

“Here it comes with no warning”

 

"I'm swimming but I'm getting tired"
“I’m swimming but I’m getting tired”

 

"For you to feel the same I would do almost anything"
“For you to feel the same I would do almost anything”

 

"As long as you're cool, right here is where you wanna be"
“As long as you’re cool, right here is where you wanna be”

 

"We are water"
“We are water”

 

"Take me as I am"
“Take me as I am”

 

"Delicacy"
“Delicacy”

 

 

 

 

 

Makeup by Bobbi Brown. Bathing Suits by TopShop. Photography by Sally Daoud.

It’s my birthday!!! Wow I cannot believe that I am entering my 22nd year of being alive.  I always love throwing a little birthday shoot to remind myself to always keep life fun and loving. I have to give Flight Song a huge thank you for surprising me with a couple bottles of their delicious wine. It surely helped ring in my birthday the right way! May this next year be another period of magnificent transformation, and most importantly, remember to embrace the future with an open mind and an open heart.

With love ❤

 

 

So DePaul just finished finals and the high levels of stress and anxiety are finally on the low. It is the end of another school year which means the beginning of many new things to come! This also means it’s time and actually way over-do to make a new life board.

For those who don’t know, 9 months ago I began creating these boards that I call life projects. To imagine what these are like, basically think of a Pinterest board that has come to life, filled with dreams and goals I plan to accomplish. I hang these boards above my desk where these photos are always in view, consciously and subconsciously. Thats the difference between these boards and a Pinterest board; by constantly having these goals in view, my subconscious mind becomes trained to accept the success I will achieve and to help me accomplish my goals. When I begin to feel uninspired by the photos on the board, my subconscious has gotten comfortable with them which means it is time to make a new one. Each photo has its own interpretation and meaning… here’s a preview at my sixth life board!

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Nails done, check. Hair done, purse packed, iPad, iPhone…check, check, check and check. My friend was preparing to take me to the emergency room and all of the positivity I had trained my mind to focus on had left me. My mind was gone and I was left with a panicked brain as it tried to fight, or fight itself.

One test, two test, blood test, morphine. I had just finished my last round of tests before they would determine what further action needed to be taken. This whole time I couldn’t stop thinking about how much I hate this place. The last time I had stepped foot in an emergency room was when my dad was sick, and it was a place I never wanted to be in again. But here I was, not knowing anything beyond the best friend sitting next to me and the extreme pain I have had for two weeks in my mid-section. Another injection. It hits you like a whiskey shot down your throat and through your veins. My friend is by my side the whole time holding my hand and making me laugh as we shop for Valentino shoes and live stream as many shows from New York Fashion Week as we can.

No food, 72 hours and counting. My nurse comes in with two cups of liquid. A dye to prepare my insides for a CT scan. It tasted like watered down cheap vodka and I had an hour to finish these two large cartons. Finished. Now another hour to let the dye set in. My other best friend is here now and makes the room all the more cozy with her love and a pretty Valentine’s Day balloon. It’s time for the CT scan and I can’t stop tearing up.

Take a deep breath in, hold your breath, now breathe. Repeat 5 times.

“Inflammation of the digestive tract”… like Google hadn’t told me that ten times every day for the past two weeks. They want to keep me for three nights to run more tests, see more doctors and tell them the same story a million more times. I get moved to the fifth floor.

My friends leave but not for long, and come back in their pajamas with soup in their hands and games for us to play. Tears of gratitude fill my eyes as they make beds in my tiny fluorescent-lit room.

1 a.m, 4 a.m, 6 a.m morphine. I need something stronger. My floor is rather quiet and my nurses are angels. Doctor one, doctor two, three, four and five. My GI doc speaks Arabic so we bond as we discuss my condition. It’s a quiet day and my scary white room becomes comforting and colorful with balloons, flowers and chocolates that I can’t eat ’till Monday. It’s 8:00 p.m and someone down the hall is screaming in pain. Flashbacks of my father’s screams resonate in my head as I turn my music up louder, just like I had 5 years ago.

It’s Sunday night and the final procedures start tomorrow.

Count every day, live a healthy and positive life. Although I thought I was already on that path, everything happens for a reason. There’s a natural way to combat any human complication. While I was living happily in my positive mind, my brain was neglected and needed my attention. Now a new door has opened for me to rebuild this connection, recreate my perspective, create a new lifestyle, and be a stronger, happier and more positive being than ever before.