Of course I’ll hurt you. Of course you’ll hurt me. Of course we will hurt each other. But this is the very condition of existence. To become spring, means accepting the risk of winter. To become presence, means accepting the risk of absence.
While a part of me is holding on to what we used to be, a part of me says “ok it’s good we’re taking time right now”. We weren’t doing well for a long time and it wasn’t good for either of us; our love turned to war so quickly. We kept holding on to Thailand and using it as an excuse, but we both knew things between us has changed and it wasn’t what it used to be.
We hug and we joke through tears as we acknowledge that this is what’s best for us and we say our goodbyes. I can’t hate him and I can’t hate myself. What we had used to be so beautiful but it was our time to let go. I thought I would look back on 2015 negatively, the hospitalizations, a new found love, a lot of confusion and a heart break. However, in all of that is great beauty. We have come such a long way and learned so much from each other and about ourselves. Two souls don’t find each other by simple accident. It’s a milestone. As much as I want to feel anger and hate, there isn’t a reason to feel that way. If love is meant to be reunited then it will, and if not that’s ok too… the energies of life will guide you where you need to be. There’s always something that awaits, and you have to have faith that everything will work out for the best.